I have now been to San Francisco twice for work and it was a beautiful thing. The first trip was full of walks through historic China Town and buckets of sushi, meeting new friends and a generous amount of very expensive artisan beers. Oh, yea, and we did manage to meet with our clients and make a pretty impression. The one sour note, that I clearly can not delve into too deeply was the behavior of one of my fellow employees, in a word, inappropriate.
Trip two was to shortly follow with more employees and with a longer stay in lovely but rain drenched San Fran. Trip two was not as fun and as a result, I am on temporary leave from my job until they can find me a more "suitable" position preferably away from those whom I am embarrassed to be associated with on out-of-state trips.
Because of some incidents on those trips, I am a basket case. I am planning my next move very carefully. I am going to take the next year or so and plan an attack on my misery. I am sick of being sad, empty and taking the convenient (profitable) way out of every situation. I went back to school for a degree that I could make money in only to find it made me miserable. Then I graduated to discover that the jobs I could get from the degree that made me miserable...guess what...make me miserable.
I have been feeling sorry for myself for awhile now. I just can't seem to be complacent, I am pissy if I am not flat out happy. I don't know where this comes from. I certainly "made do" with situations for a very long time before this very annoying trait started to rule my life. But now, for me there is no other option, be happy, or just don't be at all.
Normally, I am bitchy, but optimistic. Now I am not bitchy, but feel defeated pretty much all the time. This can't be good for anyone. I need to hatch a plan, somehow, but I feel so defeated all the time now.
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