Happy St. Patrick's Day

Soda Bread

A change is a comin'

My plan is hatched. I have a million mixed emotions and definitely need to sort out some big details. Life for me just turned a whopping 180 left turn.

Let me repeat, I can't belive my new life. No, really, this is absurd.

I have now been to San Francisco twice for work and it was a beautiful thing. The first trip was full of walks through historic China Town and buckets of sushi, meeting new friends and a generous amount of very expensive artisan beers. Oh, yea, and we did manage to meet with our clients and make a pretty impression. The one sour note, that I clearly can not delve into too deeply was the behavior of one of my fellow employees, in a word, inappropriate.

Trip two was to shortly follow with more employees and with a longer stay in lovely but rain drenched San Fran. Trip two was not as fun and as a result, I am on temporary leave from my job until they can find me a more "suitable" position preferably away from those whom I am embarrassed to be associated with on out-of-state trips.

Because of some incidents on those trips, I am a basket case. I am planning my next move very carefully. I am going to take the next year or so and plan an attack on my misery. I am sick of being sad, empty and taking the convenient (profitable) way out of every situation. I went back to school for a degree that I could make money in only to find it made me miserable. Then I graduated to discover that the jobs I could get from the degree that made me miserable...guess what...make me miserable.

I have been feeling sorry for myself for awhile now. I just can't seem to be complacent, I am pissy if I am not flat out happy. I don't know where this comes from. I certainly "made do" with situations for a very long time before this very annoying trait started to rule my life. But now, for me there is no other option, be happy, or just don't be at all.

Normally, I am bitchy, but optimistic. Now I am not bitchy, but feel defeated pretty much all the time. This can't be good for anyone. I need to hatch a plan, somehow, but I feel so defeated all the time now.

Exciting New Life

I can't believe my new life sometimes. I will be going back and forth to San Francisco for work. I am numb with disbelief. I am still getting over the fact that I actually graduated after 12 years of school, and here I am in a new world of responsibilities and business travel.

I am terrified, of course. I keep thinking they are going to find out I am a fraud, but I am not. You would think that I would have a little more self-worth by now.

So THAT is happening and it pretty much absorbs most of my thoughts these days. I am still reading (Anna Karenina, Elegance of the Hedgehog and People's History of the United States), still listening to vast amounts of music (today: Flogging Molly, Pink, Sting, The Dodos and The Smiths) and I am playing Borderlands like it is my second job.

I am getting a new tattoo very soon. This one has been long coming, it was going to be my high school graduation gift to myself. I am super excited as it will be my third one on my arm and I will start filling in my sleeve. I can't wait to be done with my arm; it feels like I am walking around half-finished. Then again that may not be the sleeve, that may be a whole other set of existential issues.

Blank Slates

New school supplies always made me very happy. There was just something about cracking open a new box of pens or that first waxy wiff of fresh crayon that would get my creative juices flowing. Thus, I can not bare to add storied of this new life to my old tired blog, so this is another new beginning.

I was looking back on my first blog about reading 100 books. I was inspired to create that challenge from my lack of accomplishments. I may have been a might bit too hard on myself. Today, a mere 2 years later, I am engaged to the greatest human in the world and a professional working writer. (Don't judge me, I write manuals it is a different skill set....my social writing leaves much to be desired but I have written "Getting Started" sections that would bring a tear to your eye...)

Post graduation, Life is good. I have homemade Picadillo on the stove, a beer in my hand and a perfect book waiting for me on my slanket.